Realms

Dear Reader(s?),

Life is a fun game of experiences. Some of them are wonderful explorations into the realm of darkness and light. Some are journeys into the heart of fear. But I think that in the end the experiences we find ourselves in mold us to a new sense of self. There are secrets we discover and places we find that teach us something new, but always we return to the body and soul we are truly meant to be. I have been on a journey. A journey I think everyone takes and is taking In life. We can not atop ourselves from embarking on this beautiful quest, unless we give up to the fortress of fear. The biggest mistake we can make is to avert ourselves from the quest in the anxious unknown. There are spirits of deciept that creep beneath the stones of our path of life, and they will whisper messages, tales of doubt and guilt, stories of bewilderment that would sooner has us bow down to the lord of quitting. Isn’t it always safe to say that we cab stop? For we are fear. We are the black abyss of the unknown we so aspire to avoid. I believe that darkness can lead us to the crystal glow of our personal moon, if we only brace it. But we as people though stearing in the noble direction of truth and discovery are vulnerable and weak to the promises of darkness. I see the sub on the sky. An orb who’s strength challenges me. And in my nature I bowdown and offer myself to this unbelievable strength. But to doubt the power of human question, to question the power of human doubt, will open new doorways to realms that do not hold the nature of life. These realms may guide us to a variety of realities that hold god only knows. And isn’t that the true point? I have discovered my truth! I have chosen to follow the orb. And yet as we emerge into the new wilderness of being and the starlight of this new dream, the demon Uncertainty binds us. This new spell has the power to collapse our true might. This Demon is a beast with powers beyond the feat of flesh. And so we bow down to a new God. We worship without love a power that would hold us back to the endless trip. A journey which decieves and manipulates. ON such a road as this we sigh with relief at the weight of our own dreams being absolved.
And this is false. In this purgatory we travel surrounded by the only companion we know. Empty freedom from your soul. Now the dark forces of the black night nature have taken you to a portal to comfort. Or so you seem. But the glowing star of truth is a shining String of possibility. And if you guide yourself through this portal to the line of love you can fond your way back to truth. There is nothing that should ever summon this Demon of Doubt. And yet we invite him into our lives as helpful guide to contentment. Why? This creature shows ourselves the face we wish to see. Through lies and deception he chooses us and we call his name. In order to relinquish ourselves of this elusive abomination we must hold the unique gem stone that lies beneath our souls in our minds hand at all times. There is this power. It is not absolute. There is no promise of success. Yet there is a way to the glowing gold temple of truth, and we can find and follow it if we choose to hold our stones and fly to the astral plains with them bound to our heads. Every power you possess is important. Every dream you have is a letter from the being who breathes inside of you. And finding this truth begins with love. Because love is a growing heart. A life force that Begs your attendance. I believ that swallowing misery is the most noble way to progress. For the disposal of misery is simply sending it back to the eternal cycle where it will born again. No lie can protect you. And soon if u decide to chase the river of your dreams, and gulp down the hex of misery and the curse of doubt, they too will be reborn through you – roved of their power. Reborn as pure energy that will reenter the world of being as a spiral step. And if u wish to travel that winding ladder, you will be leagues closer to the dream of life. There is no purpose for the darkness of life. Negativity is the child of death. And focusing your powers on love beauty and the unstoppable force of creation will imbue your spirit with an impenetrable field of golden rods. Grab that staff and flu into the unknown. Who is waiting there for you? What will life become if u find this summit of love? You may never know this final answer. Thereay be only one undying truth. And the creatures thatsmile at you from emerald steps, know only the path to heaven. Getting there is not the necessary goal, but glimpsing faith is a given stone of the gods.

I have the dark undying tree in my hands.
Hopeless fire is my only command,
And when I rise to meet the sun,
I will hug I will hug the beings.
Thank you creatures,
For giving strength,
And the Golden Tigers Ruby Mane.

Vampire Sex

Dear Reader(s?),

I am always shaming myself with my lack of blog posts, I know. And having just paid for another year of this website I swear to you I am back in action. Not to mention I got a very honest honesty box about it.

So I am obsessed with vampires, as it seems the rest of the country is. I have read all of Twilight series and I am almost done with the Trueblood series. Which isbincredible. Vampire sex just makes u hate regular sex. I don’t want to some lug to enter me with his his warm life, I want cold granite. You know I am not ashamed of u new found legitimate fetish. I think that to have sex with a Vampire would be the best experience i could ever imagine. People say that it’s incredible. Even though Vampires do exist and might be waiting to have me as their personal human sexblood slave, I have a feeling I’m never going to make it happen for myself. I know I’m hot and I know from personal experience my blood tastes good, but I just think the Vampires have too much to choose from to ever come finding little country bumpkin me. It is my only hope that I can find man with an anemia disorder who owns a large refrigerator style air conditioning unit in his bedroom. Something to make him nice and cold. Altho coldness is hardly hot when the body isn’t stone hard. So it is my dream I must find a super fit man yeah? I need to go to Vampire Freaks on avenue A and buy some Vpire sex pieces. I want a kit. Is it abnormal to ask a new romancer to please put on these vampire teeth and please bite my neck and inner thigh just at the right time when I can squirt the fake blood out? I want this so bad I can not continue writing.

Megan

Dear Reader(s?),

I feel really bad because my therapist just got out of Surgery! And I have absolutely no idea who she is besides her cute turtlenecks and the symbols I write in my check book for her. I dunno why shed be gettin cut into! I am really selfish. Altho it is alla bout Me in therapy, so its ok. I am just curious. I wanna know about her, and I am going to ask. I hope she reads this! Then I don’t have to break the ice with spoken word!

Me and my coworker have started buying a Megamillions ticket every sunday! We are going to win and when we do I am going to buy myself a boat. I was so excited when I got the ticket I tacked it right up on our office cork board! Right next to the volunteer schedule and store directories! And then on wednesday (they draw meggys on tues for those of us who are daft) (i was daft until the man told me) (i didn’t even know there was diff between lotto and mega!) I plucked that lil ticket from that board and ran to the little westvillage store that sells such tickets and dusty magazines.
I almost threw up when the man told me “nothing.”

dry heave

“try again next week.”

blackness

… my fifty cents wasted, I stumbled back to work. I am going to try again this sunday, but I lost more than the meggy last wednesday.

Sometimes an umbrella is stolen.
Sometimes you give it away
To a store by mistake in there bucket.
But Umbrellas are useless anyway.
Because the rain is a bath from Heaven.
And the spirit and crystal lined chakras need it.
So flood your body with rain and feel the darkness rise from your head.

Oink

Dear Reader(s?),

I would like to let everyone know I will not be dying of the Swine Flu. Not only because I have more to be remembered as than a sniffling pig, but because I trust that we are All going to be fine. I mean, come On. Do you really believe you’re going to die from the Swine Flu? If your answer is yes, then you obviously don’t have any faith in me ~ I have predicted you won’t!

If any of you mask-wearing-subway-riders’s are reading this, please close the screen now. I refuse to share my predictions with crazy people wearing knleenex masks in public. All that will do is make normal people like me be tricked into actual concern.

Ordinary people
Are surrounded by a blue circle.
It is the Sea & the Sky,
Encompassing the green and brown of out Mother.
Ordinary Animals are eating food and bathing.
Ordinary Birds are slicing the Vast Open Sky.
Ordinary Fish are bubbling the Deep Blue Sea..
All around us, we are breathing and moving.
Extraordinary creatures are churning the core of our planet.
Extraordinary lifeforms are planting crystals into our Sapphire world.
Extraordinary phantoms are decorating the Astral Plane.
So when we pass into the Heavens,
We may carry the treasures of Earth to the ceiling of the Stars.

Vast

Dear Reader(s?),

The stone of my hand is broken,
In the sun the fortune is given.
His hands are rocks and power.
I empty the cells of fruit into his palm.
Granite ignites with the true open power of love.
I feel the future ignite in my center.
as I breathe the stars smile at me.
The stars smile at me.
I am traveling a plane of existance
Which calls the feathering leaves
Of softened faith and destiny.
I want you, and I
want you to join me here.
The stars are smiling and reaching
Dark arms grasping towards the fruit of peace.
I shall give justice with my stare.
I will lighten the yellow of my hair.
And walking floating I will wear the velvet shoes.
I will tap the stones and rap the bony world with my nimble thumb.
Forgive me for saying this.
I am open inside this.
And before me is the broken mirror of faith.
Smile towards me.
Shine upon me.
Bloom me, as the rose and glamour.
I want it, and it will be mine.
As I age, I glimmer.
And dust rises to the sky
Turning over and shining,
This glitter sparkles eternally in our dark universe.
Guiding the future of my hopeful soul
And guided to this, I embrace the body of flame.
I am one with the emerald stones.

Twilight

Dear Reader(s?),

I have just completed the Twilight Series

I have to say, I have my own God now. STEPHENIE MEYER! Oh god, is she brilliant. I thought the movie was good, but omg I read those books. If you’ve never felt the cold hand of love, then you might not appreciate the Genius Art that is Twilight. I hate to think of the terrible things I would have said about STEPHENIE behind her back to her face if we went to high school together. I mean, quite truly we would probably have been in the same coven and LARPing together in exquisite bliss.

He glued my eyes onto His face.
I traced the contours with my crystal brain…
He was right to glue my eyes for I would never
Have fallen in Love otherwise.
Turning Him over I indulge,
As I absorb Him into me.
I finally open my eyes
And search for His glowing figure.
And it is gone now
But I forgive Him,
Because I am Truly in Love!

Melt

I am the Winter wet from Star
Young in the end of Life,
And cold in the seedless depths beneath the moss.
I am traveling, constantly down.
And what I touch grows up and up and up.
There is a powerful beast in the earth.
Curled in a ball in the center of our Mother.
It is not molten hot like our Star,
And Winter that travels there is nourishing.
I am carrying the particles of our planet deeper.
And as soon as I touch that Mammoth hand,
In shall invite him to leave Her,
And there will be a new empty space to fill.

Crystal Translations

Dear Reader(s?),

It is challenging to face trials. Like the desire to make interesting choices. Interesting, not necessarily bad choices. Instead, extremely exciting choices! Like, Oh! This is a Great idea. I might regret it later, BUT I SURE DON’T RIGHT NOW. It is challenging to wake up and want to become a time machine. Return to the places you were before, and alter the choices you’ve made. Speeding by u can be seen the many ways you can now decide to seek vengence upon yourself for making such a dumb decision. And after wearing away at your soul with regret your body will eventually forget its worries. At this point, you will decide to do it again, and then you will die from anxiety.

Or at least it seems that way.

This is what I feel. But it can’t be what I believe, because its not. In reality, I truly believe nothing is too big of a deal. I am referring to the mundane actions we take that may not be healthy for us, or seem to not be, and yet we do them anyway. We fill ourselves with regret and shame, for what? Guess what, Everyone else does it too. And everyone else is O.K.

Paranoia. Fear. Anxiety that creeps up into your chest and there it releases stabbing nightmares materialized as a Freak Out. It feeds off of your indulgence in it. With every momement you concentrate on the ‘mistakes’ you’ve made, and the dramatic response to this, it swells and deepens its roots into the dead dirty earth of your body. Its comfort is your terror, and soon you’re shaken spirit wants to escape into the exosphere and beyond.

Concern for your self is good. A little healthy worry will preserve you. But there is a line, and once crossed those concerns become damages. While preserving you’re body, the Life in which you are attempting to preserve is in jeopardy of becoming constant anguish from unnecessary doubt, regret, fear. These Demons are sent from Hell to keep you chained to the beasts they themselves created.

Rising above, and finding calm. Its not coming to a realization. Its accepting what you already know. or for me anyway. If I can convince myself beyond these whispering spirits of what I Know to be true. If I can live my life the way the Rubies and the Amethysts and Emerald stones prescribe for me, I can be happy. And these Gems show us the beauty that life really is. And so What if you do that. Its is not that big of a deal. So What if that happened. It Is Not A Big Deal. Morality is important. And the things you do need to be just that. Depending on who you ask, morality may be a loose and form fitting upon desire. I want this, I will do that – and my conscience is at ease, because I am going to twist it every which way so that I am Justified; This is Right. That is wrong.

Deep down you know if you’re actions are decent or indecent. Unfortunately we get confused about the severity of the trials we are faced with. Stop Panicking. Most people panic over the most mundane troubles. regret things they’;ve done, feelign shameful, and wanting to go back and undo. But if we all had the crystal lenses that the moon sees through, it would be clear – Do not suffer regret. Do Not live in Fear. No matter what you’ve done, no matter what has happened to you. Its all about Life, and Yours, at that. And what good is regretting how horrible you have it? Nothing is produced from this feeling. And the life in which you are so desperately attempting to exist in is now a personal Hell.

Its taking em soem time and surely more to translate these words into something my body can know. I am tired of sinking in fear. And no matter what happens, at least I am here, and I am not Somewhere Else.

Her Spider

I am looking for the spider web.
I am uncovering the places of earth
And every alien touch is covering me.
Slowing my body to the oceanic lull.
I am finding the strings of the abdomen,
They are white and tied to the earth.
Netting a home of the spiderweb,
The spiderweb frozen to her.
She is the Mother of Godesses.
She is the Titan of Ice.
And slender her scepter that raps crystal splinters
It bore through my heart here, a hole.

I am searching the Earth for the Spider’s Web.
She is the wearer of her.
In continuous space I am infinite.
And gold thread is the barricade for the Sun.

Faggy

Dear Reader(s?),

I have a four day weekend. I am on Day 2. I am so happy.
Never Have I Ever been so comfortable.

Alta and I went to Evill 2 c Rachel last night. It was above and beyond the best evening in a while. Lets just say, Karaoke never felt so good. I really think I might own a Karaoke Bar. I would name it Song Shoppe. Or DrinkSynch. I would decorate it all White with mirrored stairs and stages all over. There would be golden microphones hanging from the ceiling, and fantastic prizes and Hats.

Rachel just got her hair colored, it looks good. I think she should go ahead and get Blonde already tho. She wants to anyway, why wait?
Their apartment is so comfortable 4 sum reason, I love it. I hope to go there 2night.

I was on the train last week, and sum Gay Whore was standing right next to me w a fag hag. He had gelled back hair and faggy flares and pointy shoes. And we were standing like less than 12 inches from eachother and he’s all “Omg, I am so over skinny jeans. Like the guys at my subway stop all wear those skinny jeans and then I saw these guys and I was like omg those guys look great, they were dressed just like me in flares! Fuck your skinny jeans, I love my flares!”
And I was all, Holding in my laughter.
And then I said something about my purse 2 Sylvie or Alta, and the guy was all
“God, do you have to be that gay?” talking to his friend about Me!
;p
I had to take that opportunity to ask Sylvie where I put my Lip Stick.